


a truth so loud you can't ignore (my youth is yours)

by lady_liserator



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Romance, They Love Each Other OK, Unrequited Love, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 12:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17407151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_liserator/pseuds/lady_liserator
Summary: The first time Nico Minoru kisses you, you are 15 years old and hiding under the big willow tree in Nico’s parents’ garden behind their house. ‘We need to practice’, Nico states matter-of-factly, and then she kisses you. Nico pulls away a few moments later and puts the gum she had stored on her half-drunk beer bottle, which you had stolen from your parents’ basement, back in her mouth. She looks at you and smiles her big Nico-smile and you know you love her.-Deanoru Small Town High School AU-





	a truth so loud you can't ignore (my youth is yours)

The first time Nico Minoru kisses you, you are 15 years old and hiding under the big willow tree in Nico’s parents’ garden behind their house. ‘We need to practice’, Nico states matter-of-factly, and then she kisses you. Nico pulls away a few moments later and puts the gum she had stored on her half-drunk beer bottle, which you had stolen from your parents’ basement, back in her mouth. She looks at you and smiles her big Nico-smile and you know you love her.  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
You are 16 when Nico has her first boyfriend. You, Nico, and his friends meet up in his big wood-panelled room under the roof and Nico tells the story of your first kiss. Everyone laughs and Nico’s boyfriend thanks you with a grin that you helped Nico be as good with her mouth as she is now. You want to throw up. But you still manage a smile when one of Nico’s boyfriend’s friends nudges you and says that it might be time for you to try the real thing now. An hour later, you let him kiss you in the hallway and you still love Nico.  
  
_________________________________________________  
  
A year later, Nico’s boyfriend is gone and so are the evenings you had to spend in his room, a bottle of stolen peach schnapps on the table, Nico sitting in his lap, his friends trying to flirt with you. Nico’s boyfriend left, and that night Nico kisses you again, tasting of whisky and tears, telling you that you are the only person she needs and that he sucked anyway. You nod, and your stomach turns again, the feeling of Nico pressed against you too overwhelming after having craved it every night for almost two years.  
This time it is different than your innocent kiss under the willow tree. Nico’s lips are firmly pressed on yours, her tongue inside your mouth and you feel yourself get lost in the sensation. Nico presses her body into you and your kiss grows ever more passionate until your hands are wrapping around her waist, grabbing her. She pulls away and giggles. ‘Woah, I guess we need to find you a hot date later’, she says with a wink and adds, ‘I’ll go look for someone for you’.  
She leaves you standing against the wall of the house where you had gone to go to some random kid’s birthday party. You see her vanish into the house and your arms are still outstretched, the feeling of her body beneath your fingers lingering on your hands. You promise to yourself that you won’t let her kiss you again, that you will resist next time, so maybe you can finally stop loving her.  
  
________________________________________________  
  
It only takes a week for you to break that promise. You are in a good mood that evening, looking forward to the party at your friend Alex’ house. Your small town does not have very many things to offer during the week, so the various parties thrown by kids from your school are the highlight of everyone’s week. You’re not sure you would call the parties a highlight yourself, but have been going to some kid’s house almost every weekend for a year now even though you never understood why everyone was looking forward to crowded basements filled with sweaty bodies and the smell of beer cigarettes filling the air. This time, however, you actually like the person who is throwing the party, so the excitement has spread to you as well.  
You meet up with Nico at Alex’ door and show off the half-empty bottle of Whisky you smuggled past your parents. ‘Nice work, Dean’, Nico says when you are inside, and you fill up two cups and hand her one. Your eyes meet when you lower the cups after the first sip and you think you can see a flash of something in Nico’s eyes, a look you can’t quite place, and you turn away from her with a shaky breath and an insecure smile.  
Nico seems to avoid you that night and when you finally find her outside, standing by a bunch of hay bales behind the house, the Whisky has given you enough courage to go over and ask her what’s wrong. When you do, she doesn’t reply and instead seems to look for something in your eyes, an insecure look on her face that you have never seen before. Then suddenly, maybe having found what she was looking for, she kisses you, hard this time, and grabs your waist to pull you back.  
Nico’s back collides with one of the hay bales and this time it is you pushing up into her, kissing her while her hands pull you impossibly closer. You get lost in her, the feeling of your hips against hers driving you almost insane with need, the place on your back where her hands are digging into your skin on fire.  
You hear a soft moan escape Nico’s lips and it sends a shiver down your spine and you feel a pang of heat arise in your center. And then, as suddenly as it started, it is over, because Nico pushes you away, hard. You expect her to giggle again, to make a joke about how you need to find a boyfriend soon to get yourself under control, but it doesn’t happen. All you hear is the short pants coming from both of you and the faint bass filtering through the air from the house. When you finally dare to look at Nico to see why she isn’t saying anything, she looks scared, looks at you like you are a ghost. You open your mouth to say something, to tell her that it is okay, but a second later she rushes past you, her head bowed down, and runs across the garden back to the house. You look after her in confusion and then you realise something. For the first time you think that maybe, one day, Nico could love you back.  
  
_______________________________________________  
  
‘Why don’t you just tell her?’, Gert asks you nasally the next day, a puff of smoke following her words, her hand holding out the joint offering it back to you. ‘I mean, she keeps kissing you and we’re seventeen now, so I don’t think she still needs you to practice with her’. You smile at her. You met Gert during a group project assigned by one of your teachers a few months back and she was the only one you had ever told that you liked girls. Gert didn’t know any of your friends, mostly because, like most people from school, your friends thought she was weird. For some reason you had felt safe with Gert from the day you two met, and since then you have been telling each other everything. For weeks now, you have been seeing Gert almost every day after school, meeting up at her parent’s property, a big ranch right at the edge of town, smoking the weed her brother grew in his closet.  
‘Because I don’t know if she feels that way about me. I don’t want things to suck’, you reply, the effects of the joint kicking in, dulling your brain. ‘Seems like things already suck’, Gert says dryly and takes the joint back from you. ‘You know what I think’, she adds, ‘I don’t-‘. ‘Yeah, you don’t like her’, you sigh. ‘I just think she is using you. I mean, you’re hot and there’s so many other girls around’, Gert says and nudges you. ‘I bet we can find another gay girl somewhere in town’. You sigh. ‘But I don’t want another girl’, you say and know you sound stupid. You can’t forget the look on Nico’s face after that last kiss. ‘It meant something, I know it’, you mumble while Gert looks out her window with an exaggerated sigh. ‘You’re hopeless, Karolina’.  
  
______________________________________________  
  
Nico doesn’t talk to you for almost an entire month. The first Monday back at school after Alex’ party, you can tell she is ignoring you, doesn’t want to see you. You spent your lunch break with Gert and her sister Molly, and when you look over at Nico, standing in a corner with Alex and the others, Nico has her back turned towards you. You try to sit with your friends the day after that, but the way Nico looks you up and down as if she were someone who definitely did not belong at her table is enough to make you go over to Gert’s again. You see your friends Alex and Chase exchange an unreadable look, but they don’t say anything.  
From that day on you sit with Gert and Molly every day, and eventually you get used to not talking to Nico anymore. You appreciate the way Gert has stops talking about how much Nico sucks for kissing you and then acting as if you had done something wrong, because all you can manage is a defeated sigh in response. Now she talks about anything but Nico, and you were grateful.  
‘I don’t know what happened between you two, but maybe you can try to talk to Nico some day? I think she misses you’, Chase tells you one day after you hadn’t sat with them for the entire week. ‘I don’t think I’m the one who has to try’, you reply dryly. By now your sadness about Nico dismissing you the way she did had turned into anger. ‘I know’, Chase sighs. ‘Look, I hope you’re not angry with me for still sitting with Nico, but you know how she gets. I think she needs people with her right now’. You look at him and see how sorry he is. Sometimes you forget how compassionate Chase really is, how much he notices. You grumble something in response and hope you don’t sound too angry. ‘Can I come over tonight?’, he asks. ‘Maybe you can tell me a little bit about what’s been going on’. You wonder briefly if maybe you really can tell him and finally talk to someone about Nico who knows both of you well. You manage a smile. ‘Sure. But Gert will be over tonight, as well’.  
That night you finally tell Chase that you like girls, that you have liked Nico for over three years now, and that you think that maybe Nico might like you back. Chase holds you, and you cry, and Gert is giggling in the corner holding a joint. At the end of the night Chase walks Gert home, their hands intertwined, bright smiles on their faces.  
  
____________________________________________  
  
It is July when Nico finally speaks to you again after over a month of silence. You see her approach you across the hallway until she is standing before you, your heart beating faster with every step she takes towards you. ‘Um, it’s my birthday this weekend.’, she states as if you haven’t spent every single one of her birthdays with her since she was eight. You don’t know what to say, your head is swimming with emotions, and you don’t trust yourself enough to say something in return. Your anger at her is fighting with the urge to hug her, kiss her, to do something drastic so she finally has stop acting like nothing ever happened between the two of you. But you control yourself and you say nothing, folding you arms in front of your body and look down at her, trying to seem cool and unaffected.  
‘I haven’t told my mum that we’re like.. not talking right now.’, she pauses, shifting uncomfortably on her heels. ‘She was talking to your mom yesterday and I guess they kind of expect you to be at my party on Friday. My mom’s not actually going to be there, but I guess they would know something is up when you stay at home that day, so..’, Nico trails off and you sincerely hope she knows how much of an asshole she is being right now. ‘Chase will be there, too, and he’s bringing that girl you’ve been hanging out with, so maybe you can go with them or whatever’. You look at her and she stares blankly back. You want to grab her and shake her, ask her what the fuck is wrong with her to ignore you for weeks only to make you come to her birthday so she doesn’t have to explain anything to her parents. You can feel the anger bubble up inside of you, your fists clench beneath your folded arms, and you hope she can’t see that you are starting to shake.  
Nico is still staring at you, and you wonder if she is aware of it, if she knows that her eyes are giving her away, betraying the unaffected, casual tone Nico is trying to keep up. Then she suddenly shakes her head as if to shake something off. ‘Ok, so see you I guess’, she says and with one last fleeting look up at you she turns around and you think that she is trying a little too hard to get away from you so fast.  
  
____________________________________________  
  
‘You know what, you’re going with us. We’ll take our Whisky and we’ll dance, and we will have fun’, Gert is standing in front of you, her arms propped up at her sides, a determined look on her face. It is the day of Nico’s party and Gert and Chase have come over to try and get you to join them. Chase is sitting in one of your beanbags on the floor, the Whisky bottle already open in his hands. ‘Totally’, he agrees. ‘You can’t just let Nico ruin any fun we can still have in this town, just because she is being selfish. She had to invite you, so it’s the perfect opportunity to show her that you don’t care about her anymore, that you can have fun without her’. He smiles at you, a proud look on his face as if he just said something really profound.  
You laugh. With Gert and Chase in your room, Whisky already warming your stomach from within, you almost forget how shitty you have been feeling the past few weeks. ‘Yeah, show her that you are over her’, Gert adds and goes to sit down next to Chase, taking the bottle out of his hand. You look at them, happiness spreading across your body. You haven’t really been outside much lately, and Gert had been hanging out a lot more with Chase after school, so you had seen her less than usual. But now they were here, having fun, and it suddenly seemed silly to pass up on the opportunity to go out with them. ‘Ok, I’ll come’, you say determined, and in your head you add: ’But I am not over her’.  
  
__________________________________________  
  
The minute you see Nico’s house and the party set-up, you want to leave again. It is a hot and dry day in July and Nico had always turned her birthdays into a garden party, the Minoru’s huge backyard transformed beautifully with torches, lights and small tables. You see the old willow tree at the far end of the garden and realise someone had draped fairy-lights over a few low-hanging branches. The memory of you and Nico under that tree, kissing, the sun hot on your skin. You suddenly think how stupid it had been to come here, how you could have thought that you would be able to stand to be in Nico’s presence without being able to talk to her or touch her.  
You start turning around to leave when Gert and Chase pop at either side of you, each taking hold of one of your hands. You turn to look at Chase, who is smiling at you, and then at Gert, who has a determined look on her face. ‘Let’s rock this bitch’, she says and squeezes your hand. You take a deep breath in, look at the illuminated garden in front of you, and then thee three of you make your way towards the house, the soft noises of chatter and laughter growing louder.  
  
You manage to dance with Gert and Chase for over an hour before it all becomes too much. Nico had been dancing on the opposite end of the garden, but you could see her every now and then, twirling around in a tight-fitted black dress, a glass of wine in her hands. Gert and Chase tried to cover your view of her all night, tried to get you to keep dancing, but finally, when you told them you had to sit down and get another drink, they let you go. You find a seat facing Nico, the idea of watching her and wallowing in your own self-pity suddenly not seeming so bad. You had tried to avoid Nico at all cost at school and you had been successful, but that had also meant not being able to see her for almost a month. You suddenly feel that you must make up for lost time, and drink in the sight of her, take in the way her body moves in that tight dress. You take a sip of your drink and you can feel the anger rising in you again. Not anger at Nico for being an asshole, but at yourself for hiding your feelings for her for so long. You suddenly feel like it’s silly that you hadn’t confronted Nico about the kiss and about her silence, when it was obvious that Nico must have felt something as well.  
You stare at her, let your eyes wander over her body, heat filling up your body. You notice that Nico has stopped dancing, her movements suddenly insecure and small. When she looks over at you, you are still staring at her and you don’t care to look away, you don’t care about hiding it. ‘I want her’, you think, and it doesn’t feel like some profound revelation. It feels like a statement, like a truth. ‘I love her’.  
You are still staring at Nico and she is still staring at you, an unreadable expression on her face. You think maybe she is shocked to see you look at her so openly, but then suddenly her expression changes and you can tell that she wants you to. It feels like someone has punched you in the stomach, but in the best way. You can see Nico’s eyes fill with desire across the garden, you can see that Nico wants you, and it’s a beautiful look on her face, unguarded and sincere. You finally avert your eyes and make your way towards the willow tree, hoping Nico will finally be honest about her feelings and will be brave enough to follow you there.  
You sit down under the tree and lean against the bark facing away from the other guests. Behind you, footsteps are approaching. Your entire body is on fire and you wonder if your heart has ever beat as fast as it is now. Nico stops next to you, silently, and just stands there for a few seconds. You feel a lot less brave than a few seconds ago and you can’t bring yourself to look up at her, the fear of getting rejected suddenly clouding your brain. Nico clears her throat above you and then slowly sits down next to you, impossibly close, your arms and legs touching. ‘I-‘, she starts and pauses. ‘I don’t know what to say’, she finally concludes and then pauses again. You are determined not to make this easy for her, to finally force her to tell you the truth.  
She takes a deep breath in and breathes out. ‘I don’t think I ever forgot the moment that I kissed you under here’. She says it fast, in one breath, as if to get it out quickly, maybe trying to take away the weight and importance of what she was saying. Still, your stomach lurches. It’s not what you thought she would say and you don’t know what to say. ‘I didn’t want to kiss you for practice back then’, her voice is almost a whisper now. ‘I wanted to kiss you, because I had wanted to kiss you since we were about thirteen. I was just.. scared and after that kiss it just got worse’. Nico takes a shaky breath in. You have never heard Nico’s voice sound the way it sounds now, and it almost breaks your heart. You finally decide to look up at her, to show her that she can tell you, that you want to know this. Your gaze immediately finds hers, and you see tears glistening in her eyes. She looks so beautiful under the soft light of the fairy-lights and you can’t believe that she likes you, too. That she finally admitted it.  
You offer your hand to her and she takes it, dropping both of your hands in her lap. ‘I don’t know why I was so scared after that kiss’, she continues. ‘Scared of liking my best friend, I guess, of liking a girl’. You squeeze her hand. You want to make her feel safe and calm, but inside, your mind is going into overdrive. You think back to the kisses you had shared, to the moments when the two of you had laid on your bed after school, talking for hours, your legs intertwined. Suddenly it all made sense.  
‘I’m sorry I was such an asshole the past few weeks’, Nico looks at you again, regret showing all over her face. ‘An asshole for years’, you mumble, but you’re not angry. She let’s out a soft laugh. ‘I guess’, she says, looking away again, her head bowed down. You take a deep breath in and then you make a decision. You forgive her. Your heart pounding like crazy, you lift your other hand to cradle her cheek, softly turning her head back towards you. When you kiss her, it is slow and soft and honest. Opening your eyes again, you find her staring back at you, smiling. You tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear and smile back. You can see fear in her eyes, insecurity, and maybe determination. But you can also see something else, finally: Nico loves you, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I ususally never write second person stories, but I felt inspired and just went for it.


End file.
